It's been an interesting few weeks since the last blog I posted, about 5 weeks ago I started having a social life, I've been going out a lot more and meeting a whole lot of new people, it's been a great experience, and before anyone asks the answer is still no, I haven't found a girlfriend yet.
I find it funny on TBLoser and other shows similar to it it's as if these people either paid a woman to sit next to them at the finale, or they were lucky enough to have found someone that soon after losing the weight, personally I'm going for the $$$.
There is however a woman who is temping at work, she's easy to talk to, laughs at my jokes and seems legitimately interested in talking to me, I have a feeling that's as far as it will go but that I'm ok with, it only took 4 friends, mum and a self help book to straighten me out when I was hyperventilating about asking her out for lunch... why must it be so difficult sometimes?
I have acknowledged I have two fears in life, one used to be heights but my trip to Arches Canyon Lands straightened that out when I posed on an arch 2000 feet above the ground, instead while at Disneyland I developed a fear of falling from a ride which put me in a catatonic state (I think I have mentioned this a while back, can't remember).
The other fear is rejection, all my social life (outside of my family and few friends) I have been rejected from society and people. No woman would want to be seen with me and all the guys wanted to tease me, so when it comes to asking someone "Hey, lunch?" it's more than just 2 words to me.
But a great thing happened, she said "No, sorry I can't".
=) *smiley face*
The world didn't end, I didn't have a stroke, I said "No stress, I'm always here Saturdays because of archery, if you ever need to use up a few hours let's meet there", she was happy with that, didn't feel pressured or threatened and "Everything went better than expected".
Challenging that fear or rejection and learning that the world will not end if she says no is yet another huge milestone for me, the last time this happened I cried myself to sleep (on my holiday of all places), this time, I said my goodbyes told her to enjoy her weekend, went to my singers place and we jammed for a few hours.
I am so proud of myself for stepping up to this demon of mine, it can't possibly get any harder, from here it's much, much easier, I like easy :)
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Quick update, I am seeing my surgeon Friday July 13th, I will hopefully have the name to a plastic surgeon who can sign me up for the body lift operations I need done, I must admit I am happier with my body after these past 2 years of hell and hard work but this excess skin is a nightmare, I'm looking forward to it being removed.
Till then I will leave you with a quote, this quote contains the words I have been looking for since making the decision I have to have the operation and change my life.
Unconditional Self-Acceptance:
"The value of human life is that it exists. You are a complex miracle of creation. You are a person who is trying to live, and that makes you as worthwhile as every other person. Whether you are a researcher unlocking the cure for cancer or a person who sweeps the streets, you have known hope and fear, affection and loss, wanting and disappointment. You have looked at the world and tried to make sense of it, you have coped with the unique set of problems you were born into, and you have endured pain. Over the years, you've tried many strategies to help you feel better and deal with pain. Some worked, some haven't. It doesn't matter, you are just trying to live. And in spite of all that is hard in life, you are still trying. This is your worth, your humanness."
Thank you for reading.
(not so)Big Age.
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