Hi All,
Well hasn't this been interesting, the last blog I posted was in September last year, I am sorry for not posting anything sooner but I honestly have not had anything to post about till now.
I will start with the title "Back to basics", with the weight loss I achieved the past few months have not been good to say the least, I have slowly been gaining weight week by week and passing it off as muscle gain or natural body growth, I was wrong.
Around September last year I was 114kgs I am now 127kgs, I have been going hard at the gym for Spartan race which was in March (a little more on that later) and while my body fat has decreased my weight slowly crept up and up.
Living with Tracy means I not only eat for myself but my food choices effect her as well, let's take a step back for a minute and go all the way back to before my operation.
Here I was a guy who ate his way to 218kgs, then lost 104kgs in 2 years now don't get me wrong, it's a great achievement but I always have a saying in life I like to use, "Do not continue work without a solid foundation, one day it will fall down".
My foundation is not learning how to eat correctly, a balanced diet, how to count calories, learning what is good and what is not great to eat, too much protean not enough salt, too much dairy not enough carbs, too many carbs not enough fiber? Yeah you get my point, it took an outsider to make me aware of this and boy was it a wake up call, for 4 days I backed off on the excess intake of food and lost 500grams. It may take a while but I do live with someone who knows how to cook to maintain weight, it's going to be as hard as all buggery but it's something I need to overcome in this journey of mine.
Oh and I just threw out all the Easter chocolate.. here we go.
Onto some good news! Spartan race 2013! Check the photos I uploaded the first picture is (L-R) Scott, Me, Sateesh, team Red Sauce On Pasta!
The Spartan race is actually more difficult than Tough Muddah (so I was told) it was 7kms with about 20 obstacles from balance beams to 8 foot walls, sand bag hauling with a tire field, mud climbing ect ect... There were about 5 obstacles I couldn't do which all came down to grip strength and being able to lift ones own weight up a rope, that wasn't going to happen this time around.
All good though I paced myself enough that by the time we hit the 5km mark Scott and Sateesh were slowing down a bit, I was good and happily keeping pace, basically shocked Tracy and Lauren (Scotts gf) I have a feeling they were not expecting me to be up front =)
Finished the course in 1hr 55mins, signed up to the 14kms course in October, our goal is to match this time, which means pretty much non stop jogging between obstacles, we can do that the cardio isn't all that bad from this point on, just lots of jogging and endurance training.
I need more grip strength so off to the park I go to swing on some monkey bars.
I think that will do for now, once again I don't know what else to write about, idea's are welcome people, oh but I will update the facebook page more often with my weight loss progress.
Thanks for reading.
~Peace Age.
Sunday 14 April 2013
Tuesday 4 September 2012
Blog 19 - Smashing Sydney 10kms at a time.
Hi All,
I thought I would start with a personal update from where I left off in the last blog, I spoke to my lady friend and asked her out on a date she said "yes", it's been almost 3 weeks now and I'm going to leave it with "we are very happy together".
Now because these personal updates are no longer just about me I am going to stop doing them, all you need to know is that everything in life is only as difficult as you make it out to be.
So what have I been up to recently? Oh yeah I smashed Sydney in a weekend for my 29th!
Big shout out to my mates Beth and Shaun for showing me around and giving me a (very comfortable) couch to crash on after a great tour of the CBD.
So i flew up the Saturday morning (25th August) and began the day by walking into The Rocks (market place) where I went to Guylian for a hot chocolate and the food stand for a snag.
I meet up with Beth and Shaun and we began walking 11kms total (6.3mile about) we started at the Quay and went south to Hayfield (china town), across to Darling Harbor then across the bridge back into the CBD up to the Botanical Gardens, around the far end and back to the Opera house then back to the Quay to finish up, great day 4-5 hours of slow walking and catching up before we headed back to their place to meet the folks (great people too) and dinner in Cronulla where I watched Hawthorn smash Sydney! Carn the Hawkers!
(Pics of the trip are on my gastric bypass group page)
The Sunday I left Beth and Shawn to do what everyone has to try at least once, climb the Sydney Harbor Bridge. I purchased an express trip up and in 45 minutes we were at the top, 15 minutes to look around then back down in 45 minutes again, after the Grand Canyon the bridge is quite anti-climactic but the view is beautiful. I had a great time in Sydney, can't wait to travel some more!
So where to from here? Well perhaps I talk a little bit about the operation again and get back on track a little. I've been having some issues since the bypass which were related to polyester stitching around my stomach, the thing with polyester is that it does not dissolve, when I had a chat to my surgeon the first time I was having issues eating he mentioned to me that he no longer uses polyester because it does not dissolve and can cause problems because it will forever be a foreign object in my body so swelling or ulcers would be a side effect I would have to deal with.
No problem.
Twice now I have had a gastroscopy (camera down the throat into the stomach) because I have had severe swelling that I cannot eat any food I get bloated after one mouthful which isn't normal, what happened on both occasions was the stitching came loose and dangled into my stomach swelling the sides and forcing food to become stuck.
The plus side was that I lost 4kgs (8.8lbs) in 4 weeks so my total is around 104kgs lost and I'm sitting at 114.8kgs, since I have had the latest stitching removed I have been able to eat again so I'm looking at gaining a few kilos back (which is fine) and then working out a good plan for maintaining without having to rely on a gym.
Moving forward I am looking at some plastic surgery for excess skin yup that subject we all love to hate. See the one thing nobody tells you what happens after you lose the weight, well guess what? Excessive skin is a major issue to have to deal with after you lose the weight, I seem to find myself unable to completely accept my body until I get a few sections sorted out and tightened up.
Not saying I'm not proud of my achievements or that I don't "love" my body but some things just need sorting out.
It's not cheap to say the least and I'm looking at my thighs and abdomen to have cut back and tightened so I'm trying to get some early superannuation out to pay for it, perhaps it's time to start writing that book or talk to ACA or Today Tonight about getting my story out there, get the media to pay for it! That's isn't till November though so till then it's save, save, save.
Might leave it there for now please feel free to ask me any questions you might have about the operation or anything relating to these blogs and I'll have something to write about in the next blog.
~Peace out
Adrian
I thought I would start with a personal update from where I left off in the last blog, I spoke to my lady friend and asked her out on a date she said "yes", it's been almost 3 weeks now and I'm going to leave it with "we are very happy together".
Now because these personal updates are no longer just about me I am going to stop doing them, all you need to know is that everything in life is only as difficult as you make it out to be.
So what have I been up to recently? Oh yeah I smashed Sydney in a weekend for my 29th!
Big shout out to my mates Beth and Shaun for showing me around and giving me a (very comfortable) couch to crash on after a great tour of the CBD.
So i flew up the Saturday morning (25th August) and began the day by walking into The Rocks (market place) where I went to Guylian for a hot chocolate and the food stand for a snag.
I meet up with Beth and Shaun and we began walking 11kms total (6.3mile about) we started at the Quay and went south to Hayfield (china town), across to Darling Harbor then across the bridge back into the CBD up to the Botanical Gardens, around the far end and back to the Opera house then back to the Quay to finish up, great day 4-5 hours of slow walking and catching up before we headed back to their place to meet the folks (great people too) and dinner in Cronulla where I watched Hawthorn smash Sydney! Carn the Hawkers!
(Pics of the trip are on my gastric bypass group page)
The Sunday I left Beth and Shawn to do what everyone has to try at least once, climb the Sydney Harbor Bridge. I purchased an express trip up and in 45 minutes we were at the top, 15 minutes to look around then back down in 45 minutes again, after the Grand Canyon the bridge is quite anti-climactic but the view is beautiful. I had a great time in Sydney, can't wait to travel some more!
So where to from here? Well perhaps I talk a little bit about the operation again and get back on track a little. I've been having some issues since the bypass which were related to polyester stitching around my stomach, the thing with polyester is that it does not dissolve, when I had a chat to my surgeon the first time I was having issues eating he mentioned to me that he no longer uses polyester because it does not dissolve and can cause problems because it will forever be a foreign object in my body so swelling or ulcers would be a side effect I would have to deal with.
No problem.
Twice now I have had a gastroscopy (camera down the throat into the stomach) because I have had severe swelling that I cannot eat any food I get bloated after one mouthful which isn't normal, what happened on both occasions was the stitching came loose and dangled into my stomach swelling the sides and forcing food to become stuck.
The plus side was that I lost 4kgs (8.8lbs) in 4 weeks so my total is around 104kgs lost and I'm sitting at 114.8kgs, since I have had the latest stitching removed I have been able to eat again so I'm looking at gaining a few kilos back (which is fine) and then working out a good plan for maintaining without having to rely on a gym.
Moving forward I am looking at some plastic surgery for excess skin yup that subject we all love to hate. See the one thing nobody tells you what happens after you lose the weight, well guess what? Excessive skin is a major issue to have to deal with after you lose the weight, I seem to find myself unable to completely accept my body until I get a few sections sorted out and tightened up.
Not saying I'm not proud of my achievements or that I don't "love" my body but some things just need sorting out.
It's not cheap to say the least and I'm looking at my thighs and abdomen to have cut back and tightened so I'm trying to get some early superannuation out to pay for it, perhaps it's time to start writing that book or talk to ACA or Today Tonight about getting my story out there, get the media to pay for it! That's isn't till November though so till then it's save, save, save.
Might leave it there for now please feel free to ask me any questions you might have about the operation or anything relating to these blogs and I'll have something to write about in the next blog.
~Peace out
Adrian
Sunday 12 August 2012
Blog 18: 2 Year anniversary post operation!
August 9th, on this day...
586BC - Solomon's Temple is totally destroyed by the Babylonians under King Nebuchadnezzar.
1173 – Construction of the campanile of the cathedral of Pisa (now known as the Leaning Tower of Pisa) begins; it will take two centuries to complete.
1483 – Opening of the Sistine Chapel in Rome with the celebration of a Mass.
1854 – Henry David Thoreau publishes Walden.
1930 – Betty Boop makes her cartoon debut in Dizzy Dishes.
1945 – World War II: Nagasaki, Japan is devastated when an atomic bomb, Fat Man, is dropped by the United States B-29 Bockscar. 39,000 people are killed outright.
1965 – Singapore is expelled from Malaysia and becomes the first and only country to date to gain independence unwillingly.
1971 – The Troubles: The British security forces in Northern Ireland launch Operation Demetrius. Hundreds of people are arrested and interned, thousands are displaced, and 24 are killed in the violence that follows. Its introduction, and the abuse of those interned, leads to numerous protests.
1974 – As a direct result of the Watergate scandal, Richard Nixon becomes the first President of the United States to resign from office. His Vice President, Gerald Ford, becomes president.
1993 – The Liberal Democratic Party of Japan loses a 38-year hold on national leadership.
2010 – Adrian Cuvello has the gastric bypass operation to potentially save his life from morbid obesity.
Of course I added that last one :) big thank you to wikipedia for the information, I actually can't believe how much had actually happened on that day, a day I can share with history the day I had a potential life saving operation from my "medical disease" that thousands upon thousands suffer from on a daily basis. The sad consequence of obesity is the stereotypical view it portrays to the world the best example is when you see somebody that is obese walk into a fast food chain and order a meal for 3 yet they entered alone, if only they were not all perceived like this, yes I said they, I am officially no longer morbidly obese just obese with a body mass index of 33%, much better from my starting percentage of 67 yes? I thought so.
So I read over the first blog I wrote at the beginning of the year and noticed an error in the title of the blog, I wonder how many others noticed, something I haven't done in these blogs was write about the topics I left at the end of that blog so I thought I would cover one or two now as a celebratory look back over the past 104 weeks, 24 months or 2 years since the operation.
So what did I achieve in these past 2 years and what have I not achieved?
Let me start with what I haven't achieved, nothing comes to mind, I have come so far from the beginning that I feel I have not achieved nothing from this journey, that says a lot I'm not trying to be egotistical in any way but I do believe I have I achieved much more than anyone thought possible, except me, I was craving for change, I was foaming at the mouth like a rabid dog at the opportunity to change my life I took that chance and I rode the bull by the horns through hell and back to where I am today.
I love that saying the grass is greener on the other side, it's true it really is but I cannot explain how or why it is better to you, honestly I don't want to I just want to sit on the freshly cut grass and be left alone with myself for a few minutes. The grass is so comfy I might have a snooze.
What did I achieve?
I broke barriers, I stunned my surgeon and I never plateaued until I choose to during my weight loss, I was in complete control and I am now a shinning example of greatness.
Oh shush you I'm allowed my five minutes of fame, what I achieved is more than most will ever do in their life times, I'll pat myself on the back just this once, excuse me for a second...
That felt good.
In 100 weeks I lost 100kgs (220lbs) and during this time I choose to plateau for 5 months testing the waters if you will, In the past 2 years I have challenged my past, my childhood is filled with darkness and an emotional connection that "used" to drag me down with it. I sought help I was completely open to changing my attitude and thinking that I saw specialists in their field to help me overcome this extra baggage, in 4 months I have taken a huge turn for the better I no longer have an emotional connection with my past that I can now remove those memories and create new ones, it is a shame that so much is missing from my childhood such as family and gatherings which I cannot remember but perhaps now I can make my own, perhaps that was the point from the beginning.
I believe the biggest of my achievements so far is my new vocal thought process, I am not vocal to my family about my feelings and I ask them many questions about life, now that I have an opportunity to meet new people and perhaps experience love at one point I am coming to them every day with questions and curiosity, usually this is taken for granted but to me it's a learning process, to somebody who never had a true friend until 2002 (when I was 18) I missed out on a lot.
Those closest to me I tell them that I love them, I may not say those words exactly but I do let them know how much I appreciate them greatly in other ways, they have all been there with me from the beginning before the operation and now with my new look and attitude I know we have all grown closer together not further apart like most perceive from stories of "my gf/bf left me because I'm now the centre of attraction" they're easy to explain the other half was only in it for them self to make them feel better because they are full of insecurities and probably a little bit of jealousy too.
What have I yet to achieve?
3 major goals left before years end.
1. Climb the Sydney Harbor bridge before my birthday and I have this booked in and paid for, August 26th I'm climbing that bridge!
2. I have spoken to a plastic surgeon about the excessive skin removal and will be booking in an operation date of November. I also got an official quote too, perhaps I should write a book before then about this, the operation isn't cheap to say the least.
3. This one is pretty personal so I won't go into it but I need to talk to someone I know about how I uhh... gees I'm just going to stop there, sorry I haven't been able to ask yet I need strength and courage for this situation, the weight loss and mental changes don't even come close on a difficulty level when it comes to this last one, anyone with half a brain has worked it out already and I wonder if she has realised while reading it that I am talking about you, yup you.
- The thing that scares me most is losing a friend if I go down that path and it doesn't go the way I hope it does because I don't know how to deal with this issue like an adult yet, it's my biggest fear and has been with me all my life but perhaps there is no correct way to deal with it but I do know my way of dealing with it is very childish and unfortunately ruined a perfectly good friendship with a work colleague a few moths back (That story a few blogs back and I do mean just friendship).
We all have our own challenges in life and how we deal with them becomes part of our character, we take that with us through our journey in life and that determines which people we interact with and which we do not, where we go and where we do not go, what we do and what we don't do.
My goal for the next anniversary is well, I don't know yet apart from finishing my journey by years end perhaps next year I can help somebody else who is about to go through what I have? Perhaps I can help out somebody very close to me who I know is having difficulties with their journey, I can be that rock we all need to rest on every now and again, I had one during my journey and I was a rock for him during his and without one you will burn out.
Funny thing is I just had an epiphany when writing that last paragraph, I am truly blessed to have such understandable people in my life I never recognised it till now but the past two years my main trait that helped with my achievements was being able to put myself first and concentrate only on me and what I had to get done, even if that meant putting those I love second yes even when I should have put them first because they are going through the same journey as me.
So what happens now?
Well if everything goes to plan first day of the 2013 I begin my next journey, with the weight gone and the skin removed I will have nothing holding me back, the world truly is my oyster isn't it? The only goal I have is to help anybody I can who is serious about making a change to their life not necessarily just weight but any lifestyle change.
To begin with I am speaking at my surgeons information sessions I am also looking into motivational speaking courses and public speaking courses to perhaps see what opportunities are open in that area.
To finish up I would like to thank you, yup you reading this right now, it's because of you reading these blogs that I continue to write them and by me writing them it helps me help you? It's one of those circle situations but this time it's a good one.
To everybody I have been in contact with over the past two years since this operation of mine thank you for your support, whether it has been a like on face book an email or a comment, a conversation in the hallway at work or a meet and greet and discussion about the operation and my journey I appreciate every single one of you, I have never had this many people give a shit about anything I've ever had to say and for me to have this many people following my journey it brings a tear to my eye (no seriously I have crocodile tears right now), thank you all so much it is true kindness like yours that keeps me going day in and day out.
~Peace out
Adrian
586BC - Solomon's Temple is totally destroyed by the Babylonians under King Nebuchadnezzar.
1173 – Construction of the campanile of the cathedral of Pisa (now known as the Leaning Tower of Pisa) begins; it will take two centuries to complete.
1483 – Opening of the Sistine Chapel in Rome with the celebration of a Mass.
1854 – Henry David Thoreau publishes Walden.
1930 – Betty Boop makes her cartoon debut in Dizzy Dishes.
1945 – World War II: Nagasaki, Japan is devastated when an atomic bomb, Fat Man, is dropped by the United States B-29 Bockscar. 39,000 people are killed outright.
1965 – Singapore is expelled from Malaysia and becomes the first and only country to date to gain independence unwillingly.
1971 – The Troubles: The British security forces in Northern Ireland launch Operation Demetrius. Hundreds of people are arrested and interned, thousands are displaced, and 24 are killed in the violence that follows. Its introduction, and the abuse of those interned, leads to numerous protests.
1974 – As a direct result of the Watergate scandal, Richard Nixon becomes the first President of the United States to resign from office. His Vice President, Gerald Ford, becomes president.
1993 – The Liberal Democratic Party of Japan loses a 38-year hold on national leadership.
2010 – Adrian Cuvello has the gastric bypass operation to potentially save his life from morbid obesity.
Of course I added that last one :) big thank you to wikipedia for the information, I actually can't believe how much had actually happened on that day, a day I can share with history the day I had a potential life saving operation from my "medical disease" that thousands upon thousands suffer from on a daily basis. The sad consequence of obesity is the stereotypical view it portrays to the world the best example is when you see somebody that is obese walk into a fast food chain and order a meal for 3 yet they entered alone, if only they were not all perceived like this, yes I said they, I am officially no longer morbidly obese just obese with a body mass index of 33%, much better from my starting percentage of 67 yes? I thought so.
So I read over the first blog I wrote at the beginning of the year and noticed an error in the title of the blog, I wonder how many others noticed, something I haven't done in these blogs was write about the topics I left at the end of that blog so I thought I would cover one or two now as a celebratory look back over the past 104 weeks, 24 months or 2 years since the operation.
So what did I achieve in these past 2 years and what have I not achieved?
Let me start with what I haven't achieved, nothing comes to mind, I have come so far from the beginning that I feel I have not achieved nothing from this journey, that says a lot I'm not trying to be egotistical in any way but I do believe I have I achieved much more than anyone thought possible, except me, I was craving for change, I was foaming at the mouth like a rabid dog at the opportunity to change my life I took that chance and I rode the bull by the horns through hell and back to where I am today.
I love that saying the grass is greener on the other side, it's true it really is but I cannot explain how or why it is better to you, honestly I don't want to I just want to sit on the freshly cut grass and be left alone with myself for a few minutes. The grass is so comfy I might have a snooze.
What did I achieve?
I broke barriers, I stunned my surgeon and I never plateaued until I choose to during my weight loss, I was in complete control and I am now a shinning example of greatness.
Oh shush you I'm allowed my five minutes of fame, what I achieved is more than most will ever do in their life times, I'll pat myself on the back just this once, excuse me for a second...
That felt good.
In 100 weeks I lost 100kgs (220lbs) and during this time I choose to plateau for 5 months testing the waters if you will, In the past 2 years I have challenged my past, my childhood is filled with darkness and an emotional connection that "used" to drag me down with it. I sought help I was completely open to changing my attitude and thinking that I saw specialists in their field to help me overcome this extra baggage, in 4 months I have taken a huge turn for the better I no longer have an emotional connection with my past that I can now remove those memories and create new ones, it is a shame that so much is missing from my childhood such as family and gatherings which I cannot remember but perhaps now I can make my own, perhaps that was the point from the beginning.
I believe the biggest of my achievements so far is my new vocal thought process, I am not vocal to my family about my feelings and I ask them many questions about life, now that I have an opportunity to meet new people and perhaps experience love at one point I am coming to them every day with questions and curiosity, usually this is taken for granted but to me it's a learning process, to somebody who never had a true friend until 2002 (when I was 18) I missed out on a lot.
Those closest to me I tell them that I love them, I may not say those words exactly but I do let them know how much I appreciate them greatly in other ways, they have all been there with me from the beginning before the operation and now with my new look and attitude I know we have all grown closer together not further apart like most perceive from stories of "my gf/bf left me because I'm now the centre of attraction" they're easy to explain the other half was only in it for them self to make them feel better because they are full of insecurities and probably a little bit of jealousy too.
What have I yet to achieve?
3 major goals left before years end.
1. Climb the Sydney Harbor bridge before my birthday and I have this booked in and paid for, August 26th I'm climbing that bridge!
2. I have spoken to a plastic surgeon about the excessive skin removal and will be booking in an operation date of November. I also got an official quote too, perhaps I should write a book before then about this, the operation isn't cheap to say the least.
3. This one is pretty personal so I won't go into it but I need to talk to someone I know about how I uhh... gees I'm just going to stop there, sorry I haven't been able to ask yet I need strength and courage for this situation, the weight loss and mental changes don't even come close on a difficulty level when it comes to this last one, anyone with half a brain has worked it out already and I wonder if she has realised while reading it that I am talking about you, yup you.
- The thing that scares me most is losing a friend if I go down that path and it doesn't go the way I hope it does because I don't know how to deal with this issue like an adult yet, it's my biggest fear and has been with me all my life but perhaps there is no correct way to deal with it but I do know my way of dealing with it is very childish and unfortunately ruined a perfectly good friendship with a work colleague a few moths back (That story a few blogs back and I do mean just friendship).
We all have our own challenges in life and how we deal with them becomes part of our character, we take that with us through our journey in life and that determines which people we interact with and which we do not, where we go and where we do not go, what we do and what we don't do.
My goal for the next anniversary is well, I don't know yet apart from finishing my journey by years end perhaps next year I can help somebody else who is about to go through what I have? Perhaps I can help out somebody very close to me who I know is having difficulties with their journey, I can be that rock we all need to rest on every now and again, I had one during my journey and I was a rock for him during his and without one you will burn out.
Funny thing is I just had an epiphany when writing that last paragraph, I am truly blessed to have such understandable people in my life I never recognised it till now but the past two years my main trait that helped with my achievements was being able to put myself first and concentrate only on me and what I had to get done, even if that meant putting those I love second yes even when I should have put them first because they are going through the same journey as me.
So what happens now?
Well if everything goes to plan first day of the 2013 I begin my next journey, with the weight gone and the skin removed I will have nothing holding me back, the world truly is my oyster isn't it? The only goal I have is to help anybody I can who is serious about making a change to their life not necessarily just weight but any lifestyle change.
To begin with I am speaking at my surgeons information sessions I am also looking into motivational speaking courses and public speaking courses to perhaps see what opportunities are open in that area.
To finish up I would like to thank you, yup you reading this right now, it's because of you reading these blogs that I continue to write them and by me writing them it helps me help you? It's one of those circle situations but this time it's a good one.
To everybody I have been in contact with over the past two years since this operation of mine thank you for your support, whether it has been a like on face book an email or a comment, a conversation in the hallway at work or a meet and greet and discussion about the operation and my journey I appreciate every single one of you, I have never had this many people give a shit about anything I've ever had to say and for me to have this many people following my journey it brings a tear to my eye (no seriously I have crocodile tears right now), thank you all so much it is true kindness like yours that keeps me going day in and day out.
~Peace out
Adrian
Thursday 26 July 2012
Blog 17: Farewell to a family member and hello 100kgs LOST!
I start off on a sad note after 16 and a half years the Cuvello family loses it's most valued member the one that always had unconditional love for us all, never judged us, never argued with us and was always there for us when we needed her.
I am of course talking about our dog Butch, a Staffard-Shire Bull-Terrier cross Bull-Terrier, I personally made the call about a week ago to have her put down, after all this time she had developed arthritis in all her legs, she was crippled by the time last week had turned up and I suggested it's time we do this, turns out today when the vet turned up she was also paralyzed in her legs and going blind.
I called mum today to confirm it had been done and she told me how the vet put her down after hanging up I cried for a while at work, left to go outside and cried a little more, while walking from the end of the street I began to cry again and when I got to the front door I fell to the ground unable to control myself, seeing her kennel and knowing she isn't there anymore ... it hits you hard when you finally realise she isn't there anymore. I stepped out back for a few minutes before dinner and said some words, those words were something along the lines of "I love you and I will miss you Butch, I am forever indebted to your unconditional love, you never judged me and were always there for me no matter how you felt you always put me first".
Lest we forget those whom we love and adore.
Hi All,
So what's been happening recently? Well I've been sick, I've had really bad stomach cramping which started off with a heck of a lot of stomach swelling which caused me not to eat for a few weeks. During these two weeks I lost 7kgs (15lbs) which has taken my total weight loss to 100kgs! *WOOHOO* my main goal now achieved and it's been 23 months since I had the operation, not that it's a competition but I think I'm in the running for gold.
http://i.imgur.com/bOmI8.jpg
The certificate I was given for reaching my goal :)
So what's next? August 7th I meet a plastic surgeon for quotes on having the body lift operations (this should be interesting) from there we can move forward and prepare for that.
So back to my stomach swelling issues, I had a gastroscopy which shows a stitch had come loose that may have caused the swelling but isn't the reason why my abdomen is cramping with stabbing pains, so I've had 3 blood samples, stool samples and now a CT scan (results should be in tomorrow), currently I'm on tremadole and panamax for the pain and working because I've ran out of sick leave, I'm running on fumes at the moment and can't keep this up much longer, I need an answer as to why I'm sick but my surgeon doesn't know yet, he's hoping the scan will show something.. anything.
As you have read Black Hayet has broken up (my band) Adam the singer (the alcoholic) has decided to take it upon himself to tell people the reason I had a go at him was because I was going through personal problems. This guy has just taken the gold for biggest jerk in my life right now, for starters he can't admit he has a problem then secondly blames someone else for his wrong doing, makes me feel my choice was the right one to make, he's out of my life for good and moving forward who knows what it will bring, but it will be better than what has occurred.
The next blog will have the report from my currently issues plaguing me and also a little something special depending how the weekend treats me ;)
Thanks for reading
Age.
I am of course talking about our dog Butch, a Staffard-Shire Bull-Terrier cross Bull-Terrier, I personally made the call about a week ago to have her put down, after all this time she had developed arthritis in all her legs, she was crippled by the time last week had turned up and I suggested it's time we do this, turns out today when the vet turned up she was also paralyzed in her legs and going blind.
I called mum today to confirm it had been done and she told me how the vet put her down after hanging up I cried for a while at work, left to go outside and cried a little more, while walking from the end of the street I began to cry again and when I got to the front door I fell to the ground unable to control myself, seeing her kennel and knowing she isn't there anymore ... it hits you hard when you finally realise she isn't there anymore. I stepped out back for a few minutes before dinner and said some words, those words were something along the lines of "I love you and I will miss you Butch, I am forever indebted to your unconditional love, you never judged me and were always there for me no matter how you felt you always put me first".
Lest we forget those whom we love and adore.
Hi All,
So what's been happening recently? Well I've been sick, I've had really bad stomach cramping which started off with a heck of a lot of stomach swelling which caused me not to eat for a few weeks. During these two weeks I lost 7kgs (15lbs) which has taken my total weight loss to 100kgs! *WOOHOO* my main goal now achieved and it's been 23 months since I had the operation, not that it's a competition but I think I'm in the running for gold.
http://i.imgur.com/bOmI8.jpg
The certificate I was given for reaching my goal :)
So what's next? August 7th I meet a plastic surgeon for quotes on having the body lift operations (this should be interesting) from there we can move forward and prepare for that.
So back to my stomach swelling issues, I had a gastroscopy which shows a stitch had come loose that may have caused the swelling but isn't the reason why my abdomen is cramping with stabbing pains, so I've had 3 blood samples, stool samples and now a CT scan (results should be in tomorrow), currently I'm on tremadole and panamax for the pain and working because I've ran out of sick leave, I'm running on fumes at the moment and can't keep this up much longer, I need an answer as to why I'm sick but my surgeon doesn't know yet, he's hoping the scan will show something.. anything.
As you have read Black Hayet has broken up (my band) Adam the singer (the alcoholic) has decided to take it upon himself to tell people the reason I had a go at him was because I was going through personal problems. This guy has just taken the gold for biggest jerk in my life right now, for starters he can't admit he has a problem then secondly blames someone else for his wrong doing, makes me feel my choice was the right one to make, he's out of my life for good and moving forward who knows what it will bring, but it will be better than what has occurred.
The next blog will have the report from my currently issues plaguing me and also a little something special depending how the weekend treats me ;)
Thanks for reading
Age.
Thursday 5 July 2012
Blog 16 - Life isn't all sunshine and honey, you will get stung and sunburned!
Hi All,
So since the last blog last week so much has happened since, I got rejected from asking a pretty girl out, my band broke up and I've lost a good mate to his alcoholism.
The band I was in for over a year has broken up, this saddens me because we had a great chance of going somewhere, main problem though? An alcoholic singer who causes trouble everywhere he goes, he has warrants out for his arrest and would be lucky to leave the state for travel.
He believes he is going to marry this Canadian bird of his and get himself duel citizenship, I would be surprised if she stuck around, she left the first time because of his drinking, nothing has changed since she has been away.
So anyway he and I go out Saturday night for a 30th party, turns out that before he starts drinking he's annoying the hell out of me, instead of allowing me to move seats to start a conversation with a few lady friends he grabs me in a headlock and points to the one with the largest breasts, check them out mate.... no need for details here so ill skip to where i shove him off me and tell him to get a life.
"Hey why are you holding me back? Let me go and talk to her", to a reply of nah you can't leave me here alone I'm bored when are we moving onto the drinking place?...
Fast forward a few hours, he's now bleed me dry of my cash and himself and I say, "Nothing left, can't afford anymore drinks mate", to a disgusting reply of "Oh that's ok I'll show you how to get free beer!"
He then proceeds to walk up to tables and drink others beers in front of them.
I am both disgusted and angered by this, before a fight starts I bolt downstairs and get some cash, order some more drinks and give them to everyone he drank from apologising for him. I'm very lucky I never got my head kicked in at this time.
So he's been eying out this rather "gay" individual and throws his jacket at him spilling all the drinks on the table, before his rather large and tall "boyfriend" comes charging in I picked up his jacket turned around and threw it at him then grabbed him by the collar and dropped him on the ground, shoved my knee into his ribs and started foaming at the mouth, I can't repeat what was said but I was not very happy with what he had did.
After the scream-a-thon was finished I got up and walked out the place and caught a taxi home.
Turns out he started a fist fight with a friend of his trying to keep him in check, that's how he treats his friends hey? Great mate that one.
So with the above two examples what did I learn this week?
Three things.
1. I am too damn kind for my own good and need to push back on people who do not appreciate what I have to offer.
2. I refuse to help anyone when they won't help themselves.
3. I reflected on the people in my life and came to the realisation that I am happy with the current people I have around me in my life.
To expand on point 3.
I've mentioned Scott in past posts, I've known him the longest, 10 years now, he helped me through all of this with some great words of wisdom through his own life experience.
Zane I've known for 8 years and even from WA he can still support and comfort me in my darkest times, just talking to him and his suggestions helped me through these changes.
Tracy I've known her for about 4 years now, she is the friend that was ready to go into battle for me when I turned down my this work colleague, her words are some I have never heard before, they brought me back to the reality of that it is not always me that is the cause of these problems but you will learn in life that in fact no matter how much you want to see the good in everyone, some people are just in it for themselves.
All of this should have happened to me 10 years ago not now when I'm almost 30, it's harder to deal with these problems because well the ignorance of youth would have been a warm welcome.
I am so thankful to have 3 very close people in my life who are there for me when I need them most.
My family of course also helped as they do, they put perspective on my experience.
"You will meet people in life, some will stay, most will pass on by, those who stay treat them well for they will be there for you at your darkest times, and you had better be there for them during theirs".
This has been such a huge life experience for me and I am so thankful that this happened, I am beating my fear of rejection and realising that there are people in my life who can help me through it.
I am so very thankful right now :)
Thanks for reading.
Adrian.
So since the last blog last week so much has happened since, I got rejected from asking a pretty girl out, my band broke up and I've lost a good mate to his alcoholism.
The band I was in for over a year has broken up, this saddens me because we had a great chance of going somewhere, main problem though? An alcoholic singer who causes trouble everywhere he goes, he has warrants out for his arrest and would be lucky to leave the state for travel.
He believes he is going to marry this Canadian bird of his and get himself duel citizenship, I would be surprised if she stuck around, she left the first time because of his drinking, nothing has changed since she has been away.
So anyway he and I go out Saturday night for a 30th party, turns out that before he starts drinking he's annoying the hell out of me, instead of allowing me to move seats to start a conversation with a few lady friends he grabs me in a headlock and points to the one with the largest breasts, check them out mate.... no need for details here so ill skip to where i shove him off me and tell him to get a life.
"Hey why are you holding me back? Let me go and talk to her", to a reply of nah you can't leave me here alone I'm bored when are we moving onto the drinking place?...
Fast forward a few hours, he's now bleed me dry of my cash and himself and I say, "Nothing left, can't afford anymore drinks mate", to a disgusting reply of "Oh that's ok I'll show you how to get free beer!"
He then proceeds to walk up to tables and drink others beers in front of them.
I am both disgusted and angered by this, before a fight starts I bolt downstairs and get some cash, order some more drinks and give them to everyone he drank from apologising for him. I'm very lucky I never got my head kicked in at this time.
So he's been eying out this rather "gay" individual and throws his jacket at him spilling all the drinks on the table, before his rather large and tall "boyfriend" comes charging in I picked up his jacket turned around and threw it at him then grabbed him by the collar and dropped him on the ground, shoved my knee into his ribs and started foaming at the mouth, I can't repeat what was said but I was not very happy with what he had did.
After the scream-a-thon was finished I got up and walked out the place and caught a taxi home.
Turns out he started a fist fight with a friend of his trying to keep him in check, that's how he treats his friends hey? Great mate that one.
So with the above two examples what did I learn this week?
Three things.
1. I am too damn kind for my own good and need to push back on people who do not appreciate what I have to offer.
2. I refuse to help anyone when they won't help themselves.
3. I reflected on the people in my life and came to the realisation that I am happy with the current people I have around me in my life.
To expand on point 3.
I've mentioned Scott in past posts, I've known him the longest, 10 years now, he helped me through all of this with some great words of wisdom through his own life experience.
Zane I've known for 8 years and even from WA he can still support and comfort me in my darkest times, just talking to him and his suggestions helped me through these changes.
Tracy I've known her for about 4 years now, she is the friend that was ready to go into battle for me when I turned down my this work colleague, her words are some I have never heard before, they brought me back to the reality of that it is not always me that is the cause of these problems but you will learn in life that in fact no matter how much you want to see the good in everyone, some people are just in it for themselves.
All of this should have happened to me 10 years ago not now when I'm almost 30, it's harder to deal with these problems because well the ignorance of youth would have been a warm welcome.
I am so thankful to have 3 very close people in my life who are there for me when I need them most.
My family of course also helped as they do, they put perspective on my experience.
"You will meet people in life, some will stay, most will pass on by, those who stay treat them well for they will be there for you at your darkest times, and you had better be there for them during theirs".
This has been such a huge life experience for me and I am so thankful that this happened, I am beating my fear of rejection and realising that there are people in my life who can help me through it.
I am so very thankful right now :)
Thanks for reading.
Adrian.
Friday 29 June 2012
Blog 15 - It's the end of the world and we know it!.. Wait what?
Hi All,
It's been an interesting few weeks since the last blog I posted, about 5 weeks ago I started having a social life, I've been going out a lot more and meeting a whole lot of new people, it's been a great experience, and before anyone asks the answer is still no, I haven't found a girlfriend yet.
I find it funny on TBLoser and other shows similar to it it's as if these people either paid a woman to sit next to them at the finale, or they were lucky enough to have found someone that soon after losing the weight, personally I'm going for the $$$.
There is however a woman who is temping at work, she's easy to talk to, laughs at my jokes and seems legitimately interested in talking to me, I have a feeling that's as far as it will go but that I'm ok with, it only took 4 friends, mum and a self help book to straighten me out when I was hyperventilating about asking her out for lunch... why must it be so difficult sometimes?
I have acknowledged I have two fears in life, one used to be heights but my trip to Arches Canyon Lands straightened that out when I posed on an arch 2000 feet above the ground, instead while at Disneyland I developed a fear of falling from a ride which put me in a catatonic state (I think I have mentioned this a while back, can't remember).
The other fear is rejection, all my social life (outside of my family and few friends) I have been rejected from society and people. No woman would want to be seen with me and all the guys wanted to tease me, so when it comes to asking someone "Hey, lunch?" it's more than just 2 words to me.
But a great thing happened, she said "No, sorry I can't".
=) *smiley face*
The world didn't end, I didn't have a stroke, I said "No stress, I'm always here Saturdays because of archery, if you ever need to use up a few hours let's meet there", she was happy with that, didn't feel pressured or threatened and "Everything went better than expected".
Challenging that fear or rejection and learning that the world will not end if she says no is yet another huge milestone for me, the last time this happened I cried myself to sleep (on my holiday of all places), this time, I said my goodbyes told her to enjoy her weekend, went to my singers place and we jammed for a few hours.
I am so proud of myself for stepping up to this demon of mine, it can't possibly get any harder, from here it's much, much easier, I like easy :)
--------------------
Quick update, I am seeing my surgeon Friday July 13th, I will hopefully have the name to a plastic surgeon who can sign me up for the body lift operations I need done, I must admit I am happier with my body after these past 2 years of hell and hard work but this excess skin is a nightmare, I'm looking forward to it being removed.
Till then I will leave you with a quote, this quote contains the words I have been looking for since making the decision I have to have the operation and change my life.
Unconditional Self-Acceptance:
"The value of human life is that it exists. You are a complex miracle of creation. You are a person who is trying to live, and that makes you as worthwhile as every other person. Whether you are a researcher unlocking the cure for cancer or a person who sweeps the streets, you have known hope and fear, affection and loss, wanting and disappointment. You have looked at the world and tried to make sense of it, you have coped with the unique set of problems you were born into, and you have endured pain. Over the years, you've tried many strategies to help you feel better and deal with pain. Some worked, some haven't. It doesn't matter, you are just trying to live. And in spite of all that is hard in life, you are still trying. This is your worth, your humanness."
It's been an interesting few weeks since the last blog I posted, about 5 weeks ago I started having a social life, I've been going out a lot more and meeting a whole lot of new people, it's been a great experience, and before anyone asks the answer is still no, I haven't found a girlfriend yet.
I find it funny on TBLoser and other shows similar to it it's as if these people either paid a woman to sit next to them at the finale, or they were lucky enough to have found someone that soon after losing the weight, personally I'm going for the $$$.
There is however a woman who is temping at work, she's easy to talk to, laughs at my jokes and seems legitimately interested in talking to me, I have a feeling that's as far as it will go but that I'm ok with, it only took 4 friends, mum and a self help book to straighten me out when I was hyperventilating about asking her out for lunch... why must it be so difficult sometimes?
I have acknowledged I have two fears in life, one used to be heights but my trip to Arches Canyon Lands straightened that out when I posed on an arch 2000 feet above the ground, instead while at Disneyland I developed a fear of falling from a ride which put me in a catatonic state (I think I have mentioned this a while back, can't remember).
The other fear is rejection, all my social life (outside of my family and few friends) I have been rejected from society and people. No woman would want to be seen with me and all the guys wanted to tease me, so when it comes to asking someone "Hey, lunch?" it's more than just 2 words to me.
But a great thing happened, she said "No, sorry I can't".
=) *smiley face*
The world didn't end, I didn't have a stroke, I said "No stress, I'm always here Saturdays because of archery, if you ever need to use up a few hours let's meet there", she was happy with that, didn't feel pressured or threatened and "Everything went better than expected".
Challenging that fear or rejection and learning that the world will not end if she says no is yet another huge milestone for me, the last time this happened I cried myself to sleep (on my holiday of all places), this time, I said my goodbyes told her to enjoy her weekend, went to my singers place and we jammed for a few hours.
I am so proud of myself for stepping up to this demon of mine, it can't possibly get any harder, from here it's much, much easier, I like easy :)
--------------------
Quick update, I am seeing my surgeon Friday July 13th, I will hopefully have the name to a plastic surgeon who can sign me up for the body lift operations I need done, I must admit I am happier with my body after these past 2 years of hell and hard work but this excess skin is a nightmare, I'm looking forward to it being removed.
Till then I will leave you with a quote, this quote contains the words I have been looking for since making the decision I have to have the operation and change my life.
Unconditional Self-Acceptance:
"The value of human life is that it exists. You are a complex miracle of creation. You are a person who is trying to live, and that makes you as worthwhile as every other person. Whether you are a researcher unlocking the cure for cancer or a person who sweeps the streets, you have known hope and fear, affection and loss, wanting and disappointment. You have looked at the world and tried to make sense of it, you have coped with the unique set of problems you were born into, and you have endured pain. Over the years, you've tried many strategies to help you feel better and deal with pain. Some worked, some haven't. It doesn't matter, you are just trying to live. And in spite of all that is hard in life, you are still trying. This is your worth, your humanness."
Thank you for reading.
(not so)Big Age.
Thursday 7 June 2012
Blog 14 - So far, So what!
So how is the 15 week challenge going? Well I've plateaued stuck at 125kgs and yo-yo'ing like a yoyo...
I recently stopped going to the gym satisfied with my 94kgs so far and have been sticking to an even calorie intake as to not gain weight, so far that's working out well.
Not much else to add really apart from the fact I took up a few new hobbies and my social life is going well, very well in fact happily spending most of my time outside or with new people, giving the confidence a real nice boost :)
I thought I would make the rest of the post about the psychologist I've been seeing, he has been helping me out with my past and how I can move forward, after only a few months my attitude has changed so much it's almost scary. You have all read my past posts (especially 8) and see how I was, how about reading the below and reading how I take a new look at life.
I recently stopped going to the gym satisfied with my 94kgs so far and have been sticking to an even calorie intake as to not gain weight, so far that's working out well.
Not much else to add really apart from the fact I took up a few new hobbies and my social life is going well, very well in fact happily spending most of my time outside or with new people, giving the confidence a real nice boost :)
I thought I would make the rest of the post about the psychologist I've been seeing, he has been helping me out with my past and how I can move forward, after only a few months my attitude has changed so much it's almost scary. You have all read my past posts (especially 8) and see how I was, how about reading the below and reading how I take a new look at life.
What I’ve learned so far…
“Death and Taxes”, perhaps the most popular term when it
comes to life, being the only two things you can depend on.
It’s most certainly something I used to think about and agree with, but now I look back on this term and it gives me a very negative feeling, it’s a depressing approach to life and quite frankly something I can no longer live by.
I find myself a realist in life, I understand there must be both positive and negative situations and sometimes negative does outweigh the positives such as with the above statement, yes death and taxes might be the only two certainties but what about what isn’t certain?
I think to myself (without over analysing the situation) that well what about everything else? Why should I live life thinking of what is certain and not about what isn’t? It’s those uncertainties that I now (after losing the weight) want to explore.
It’s most certainly something I used to think about and agree with, but now I look back on this term and it gives me a very negative feeling, it’s a depressing approach to life and quite frankly something I can no longer live by.
I find myself a realist in life, I understand there must be both positive and negative situations and sometimes negative does outweigh the positives such as with the above statement, yes death and taxes might be the only two certainties but what about what isn’t certain?
I think to myself (without over analysing the situation) that well what about everything else? Why should I live life thinking of what is certain and not about what isn’t? It’s those uncertainties that I now (after losing the weight) want to explore.
So I went to America and I experienced another culture (yes
quite familiar to ours but still different none-the-less) and lifestyle with
many other people from other cultures. I found it fascinating; I wanted to
learn more about the native aborigines (Navajo Indians) and even fellow persons
sharing the tour with me from Whales, Slovenia and Holland.
So what does that have to do with what I’ve learned? I’ve
learned that even with such a negative background and history I still have the
right to enjoy and experience life, I don’t need to sit in the corner and dwell
on the past and expend so much energy thinking about which name I hated being
called the most. I can go out there and enjoy the wonders of the world from
something small as bike riding or talking to another individual about what a
hypnagogic jerk is, to asking a woman for her phone number.
It’s ok for me to be happy; I am allowed to be happy, I have the same opportunities as everyone else, I am no different to anyone else, so I shouldn’t treat myself or expect to be treated any different from anyone else.
It’s ok for me to be happy; I am allowed to be happy, I have the same opportunities as everyone else, I am no different to anyone else, so I shouldn’t treat myself or expect to be treated any different from anyone else.
I am the only one who sees me with my negative past, however
from the outside every new person I interact with sees me who for the first
time, not the big guy I used to be or the troubled child I once was, I have a
clean slate with everyone and how I project myself in the future is certainly
in a more positive way.
I’ve always seen the human body in 3 ways, mind, body and
soul.
Soul:
The soul has always been a solid foundation for me, my
religious background and science interests have allowed me to see and
experience both sides the fence, I believe the big bang did happen there is
proof it is occurring all around us most recently galaxy M81 is currently
experiencing a super massive black whole which in turn will be creating new
life, but with my religious backing I can see the workings of a higher being in
motion, not necessarily the Catholic Churches rendition of “God” or “Jesus” to
the Christians/Mormons/Jehovah’s, but a higher being of intelligence I like
to call “God”. Life is all around us and
my soul is attached to it, I believe in living life with a mutual respect for
everybody and treat everybody exactly as I would like to be treated, with this
foundation I feel my soul will reach the afterlife (whatever it may be).
Body:
My body was always last on my priority list (it was a short
list too) until I realised I needed to make changes, now after losing all that
weight I feel my body is ready actually up and ready to live life, I now have a
fighting chance at being able to experience and enjoy the wonders of the world
from riding a bike, walking without pain, sitting next to somebody on public
transport knowing I can fit into one seat.
My realist approach is simple to this the body is my temple, it will only perform as well as the what gets put in, bad fuel bad performance.
Fruit/Vegetables, water, vitamins appropriate amount of meat each week keeps me energised and ready to fight on the next day! Keep this up and I might take up yoga.
My realist approach is simple to this the body is my temple, it will only perform as well as the what gets put in, bad fuel bad performance.
Fruit/Vegetables, water, vitamins appropriate amount of meat each week keeps me energised and ready to fight on the next day! Keep this up and I might take up yoga.
Mind:
The brain is such a powerful organ and the mind or
subconscious if you will can either aid us or be our worst enemy, the mind if
in a negative mood will cause depression, anxiety and mood swings where a
positive mind will be happiness, pleasure and joy.
It’s been shown that a positive mind has been able to assist with cancer patient’s recovery; it’s been proven (in my life) that depression can lead to suicide/death.
It’s been shown that a positive mind has been able to assist with cancer patient’s recovery; it’s been proven (in my life) that depression can lead to suicide/death.
My mind was always clouded (and still is but were working on
that one) and full of negative emotion and thoughts, as those clouds begin to
life I feel great weights being lifted from me, a positive attitude has helped
me sleep better at night, less headaches and less worries and stress.
My realist approach to life has not changed (if it even
will), I understand that there is negativity in life there always will be but
it’s how we approach that negativity that determines how we live with it, I
feel like I can begin to remove a lot of negativity in my life, from the people
in it to removing emotional connections to my past and even filling up the dead
time I make for myself each night at home in front of the tv/computer.
Filling in that time with Archery, Music, social activities’
delays the possibility of negativity in life and in turn increases the
positivity so when something negative does happen it doesn’t feel like the
world is ending because it’s been one bad thing after another, no in fact it’s
been one good thing after another and there was bound to be something negative
occur, as a realist I see this as the natural flow of life, ying and yang,
karma, good and bad.
My Soul is solid, my body is certainly better than where it
was 24 months ago, my mind is beginning to change, more positivity and less
negativity, I am viewing and approaching life differently, everything is clear
and precise and I feel happy, I show it by smiling more in fact I’ve been asked
recently at work what had changed because I look so much happier these days, I
feel fantastic and I see more positivity in my future.
Thank you for reading.
(not so)Big Age.
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